Can't find the joke thread....
17-02-2015, 03:04 PM
(This post was last modified: 17-02-2015, 03:05 PM by Ol'Jeffers.)
......but here's one anyway:
A virile middle aged Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blond woman. Things progressed to the point where he led her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.
After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?" She paused for a second, frowned, and replied. "No."
Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sex finally ended and, again, Guido smiled and asked, "You finish?"
Again, after a short pause, she returned his smile, cuddled closer to him and softly said, "No."
Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reached for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely managed it, but they ended together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. Exhausted, Guido fell onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looked into her eyes, smiled proudly and asked again, "You finish??
Barely able to speak, the beautiful blonde whispered in his ear... "No, I Norwegian."
[font=Tahoma, Calibri, Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif]The Older I get the Better I Was! [/font]
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My butcher tried to sell me 8 legs of venison for £50 today.
I think that's two deer
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Have anyone ever noticed that both Skoda and BMW have a perfecty round logo? and that if the cars are very dirty, it's not all that easy to tell them apart for people who's not familiar with them?
Ever wondered why most Skoda owners are so dilligent in washing their cars?
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• ron, whitebus
I asked six different kids if they knew what day it was yesterday and none of them knew. I told them it was Pancake day and not one of them had heard of St. Pancake. So much for education.
So where does this bit go then ?
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An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman,a Welshman, a Ghurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Pakistani, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Jordanian, an Armenian, a Kiwi, a Swede, a Finn, a Canadian, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, an Argentinian, a Libyan, a Muslim, a Hindu, a Buddhist and an African went to a night club.
The bouncer said, "Sorry gentlmen, I can't let you in without a Thai. "
ok.ok its a partner
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• CorTepee, ron
A human fart can be louder than a trombone!
I discovered that at my daughter's school concert
ok.ok its a partner
A Scouser called Steve is on a trip around North America. One day he stops off at a remote bar in the Nevada desert and gets talking to the bartender, when he sees a native American wearing full tribal gear sitting on a bar stool.
Says Steve to the barman, “Who is the cool looking dude in the Red Indian gear?”
“That is the memory man,” replies the bartender. “He knows everything there is to know. Has a memory like an elephant.”
“Really?” says Steve.
“Sure,” says the barman. “Why don’t you go and check him out if you don’t believe me?”
So Steve heads over to the native American, thinking that he can make him look foolish by asking him a question about English football.
He asks the memory man, “Who won the 1965 FA Cup Final?”
“Liverpool,” comes the swift reply.
Steve can’t believe his ears. He tries again. “Who did they beat?”
“Leeds,” replies the memory man.
Steve tries once more. “What was the final score?”
The wise native American replies without hesitating, “Two-one.”
Steve the Scouser is impressed, but is quietly confident he will catch the memory man out with his final question. “Who scored the winning goal?”
Without blinking, the memory man says, “Ian St John.”
Steve is stunned.
When he gets home to Liverpool he tells everyone about the Red Indian. Several years go by and he can never quite get his strange encounter in the Nevada bar out of his head and he vows to return to American and pay his respects to the Indian.
Ten years later, Steve finally saves up enough money to return, and, after weeks of searching the Nevada desert, he is delighted to find the native American living in a cave. Steve steps forward, bows, and greets the brave in the traditional manner.
“How,” says Steve.
The memory man squints at him and replies: “Diving header in the six-yard box.”
ok.ok its a partner
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As its a french car
MkIII VTR 1.6hdi Modutop, Climate Pack, 16" Alloys
Do you know the difference between an old Volvo 244 and the Swedish S-tank?
Neither does most Swedish drivers...
Went to see the worse faith healer ever last night.
He was so bad, a bloke in a wheelchair got up and walked out.
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• Bill Rose, Sootyfoot
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