BAD JOKES
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Went to the Doctors to see if he could give me something for wind, he gave me a kite.
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Fat woman asks the doctor if he can help her with losing weight.
Without looking up the doctor tells her to strip off and squat down in the corner.
Fat woman obeys but after 10 mins asks the doc how his helps with weight loss.
Doc looks up and says "weight loss?"
"Oh - no, I was thinking of getting a white leather sofa-I just wanted to see what it would look like over there.
It is on my to do list.
But not right at the top
2012 Hdi75 van
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A guy got his car washed by two lovely topless girls but while he was distracted his wallet was stolen. He was gutted, but was even more gutted when it happened to him every day that week .
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01-06-2012, 06:42 PM
(This post was last modified: 01-06-2012, 06:46 PM by crickleymal.)
Why did god invent the female orgasm?
So they could enjoy them selves whilst still having something to moan about.
Malc
Stupid computer!
Security system should not fail safe!
Security system should fail dangerous!
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Hereford girls often drop their chips during orgasm.
It is on my to do list.
But not right at the top
2012 Hdi75 van
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What is the point of an orgasm anyway ?
So you know when to stop humping :thumbsup:
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Some one said put yout worst jokes here; so here I go, apologies if it has already appeared.
A man goes into a pub and orders a pint and a large scotch. Sitting at the bar he drinks the pint & pours the large scotch into his top pocket. Several pints & scotches in his top pocket later, he is well squiffy & is starting to be a nuisance, so the landlord asks hime to shape up or ship out.
The man refuses and demands more drinks until finally he says to the landlord, "Give me another round or come outside & sort this out like a man..."
The landlord refuses for a while until finally yielding..."OK then sir, as you wish, outside and sort this out like a man as you say".
At this point a mouse pops up from the man's top pocket and yells... "Yeah man, right on, & bring your f****ng cat too !"
+ + + + + + +
03 2.0HDI Forte. I need more cash....
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There are three race horses sitting in a pub (as they do). The first one says, "A strange thing happened to me the other day. I was in the 1:30 at Lingfield, trailing the rest when suddenly, I felt a sharp stinging pain in the rear, startled me so much I passed the rest and won the race".
The second horse says, "That's a funny thing, I was in the 2:30 at Chepstow on Saturday. Trailing the pack like you, then sudden stinging sensation, whoosh, right past the rest of them and won by two lengths".
The third horse says "The same thing happened to me in the 4pm in Cheltenham, losing, sharp pain startling me so much I bolted and won the race."
A greyhound sitting at the next table leant over, "Excuse me, " he said, "I couldn't help overhearing your stories. I was in the 8 o'clock at White City. Last out of the trap and trailing. Suddenly I felt a sharp stinging pain, I was so shocked I passed the hare and won the race."
The first horse turned to the others and said "Bugger me! A talking greyhound!"
Malc
Stupid computer!
Security system should not fail safe!
Security system should fail dangerous!
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Bob & John are in the pub one night or wherever...
Bob: "Can you name six fish beginning with "H"?
John: "Uuhm... haddock.....herring... haddock....not sure really...."
Bob: "OK John, haddock, hake, hoki, herring, halibut and Hemel Hempstead".
John: "Hemel Hempstead???, that's not a fish....."
Bob: "No.......it's a place".
-------------------------------------------------
It gets worse......
Name 3 fish BEGINNING AND ENDING WITH "K".
Killer Shark......Kwiksave frozen Haddock........ and.......Kilmarnock.
Kilmarnock??
No, it's a place.
--------------------
03 2.0HDI Forte. I need more cash....
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27-06-2012, 08:26 PM
(This post was last modified: 27-06-2012, 08:29 PM by taxi.)
(27-06-2012, 08:11 PM)CitroAddict Wrote: Bob & John are in the pub one night or wherever...
Bob: "Can you name six fish beginning with "H"?
John: "Uuhm... haddock.....herring... haddock....not sure really...."
Bob: "OK John, haddock, hake, hoki, herring, halibut and Hemel Hempstead".
John: "Hemel Hempstead???, that's not a fish....."
Bob: "No.......it's a place".
-------------------------------------------------
It gets worse......
Name 3 fish BEGINNING AND ENDING WITH "K".
Killer Shark......Kwiksave frozen Haddock........ and.......Kilmarnock.
Kilmarnock??
No, it's a place.
-------------------- Argh ! :lol:
The following 2 users say Thank You to taxi for this post:2 users say Thank You to taxi for this post
• CitroAddict, ron
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