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More funnies...
#1
At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring
at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted
three black men totally naked sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures
had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.

The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble
interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for over
half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of black
men in a predominately white, patriarchal society.
'In fact,' he pointed out, 'some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects
the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.'

After the curator left, an Irishman, approached the couple and said,
'Would you like to know what the painting is really about?'

'Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?' asked the couple.

'Because I'm the guy who painted it,' he replied.
'In fact, there are no black men depicted at all. They're just three Irish coal miners.

The guy in the middle went home for lunch......'


Some more:

I get on extremely well with the lesbians next door.

They asked me what I would like for my birthday.

I was stunned when they gave me a Rolex.

It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, "I wanna watch."

---

Why is it when your wife becomes pregnant, all her female friends rub her tummy and say "congratulations"

but none of them rub your d**k and say "well done"?

---

Honestly some folk will take offence at anything.
I met a bloke with no legs this morning while at the bus stop and all I asked was "How are you getting on?"

---

Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby "Is this yours?" she asked.

"Probably." said Paddy "She burns everything else!"

---

My missus has just gone into hospital with two black eyes and a broken jaw.
It seems we were on different wavelengths when she said she wanted decking on the patio.

---

Sex therapists claim that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears!!
Personally I think its bollox!!

---

They reckon that Beer contains female hormones and I think they are right.
After 8 pints I talk s**t and can't drive!

---

Whats the difference between Basil Brush and a Terrorist with a rucksack?
The Terrorist with a rucksack only goes "Boom" once.

---

Vicar booking into a hotel asks the receptionist "Is the Porn channel in my room disabled?"

"No," she replies "it's just regular porn you sick bastard."

---

A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin.
I said "How can you tell them apart?"
He said "Her brother's got a moustache!"

---

A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems.
"Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor.
"Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair."

Hope that gave you a giggle....I have plenty more some even worse!!
[fon‌t=Tahoma, Calibri, Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif]The Older I get the Better I Was!  Cool [/font]
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#2
They did indeed. More please. Although not being a Brit the one about Basil Brush went right by me.
2010 Berlingo Multispace HDi 110 with FAP. Persamos green.

[Image: ab197646.gif]
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#3
http://www.basilbrush.com/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basil_Brush

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/terrorist
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terrorist
[+] 2 users say Thank You to j90xxx for this post
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#4
A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house.
She knocked on the door then immediately walked in.
She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the
couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma
of perfume filled the room.

"What are you doing? "she asked.

"I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work, "the daughter-in-law
answered.

"But you're naked! "the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress, "the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"Mike loves me and wants me to wear this dress, "she explained.
"It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress,
he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end.
He can't get enough of me"

The mother-in-law left.
When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best
perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on
the couch, waiting for her husband to arrive.

Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress," she whispered sensually.

"Needs ironing, "he said. "What's for dinner?
[fon‌t=Tahoma, Calibri, Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif]The Older I get the Better I Was!  Cool [/font]
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#5
As I answered the front door dressed in high heels, stockings, leather mini skirt and bright red lipstick,
the Avon lady asked,
"Hello Sir, is your wife at home?"
to which I replied,
"Take a wild f***ing guess, love!"
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#6
Drinking and Driving.

I would like to share an experience with you, about drinking and driving.

As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and some rather nice red wine.

Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a bus home.

Sure enough I passed a police road check but as it was a bus, they waved it past.

I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise; as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it.
:whistle:
[fon‌t=Tahoma, Calibri, Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif]The Older I get the Better I Was!  Cool [/font]
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#7
Two guys are drinking in a bar.

One says, "Did you know that Buffalos have sex 10 to 15 times a night?"
"BUGGER !" says his friend. "And I just joined the Masons....."
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